People are talking and we are not even dating
Don't bring up if your ex cheated on you, if you're having legal woes or custody battles, or if you're still trying to get a box of stuff back from your ex’s apartment.Orbuch says that when people talk about their ex at length, especially early in a dating situation, it could mean that they're not over them yet, which means that moving forward to a new partner could be tricky.But deciding whether to see someone based on their height, college they went to, car they drive, how much they weigh, and what type of fashion style they have, could be restricting your potential matches, so much that you're never even giving potentially awesome people, who don't check every single box, a chance, Firstein says."Checklist dating is only going to hold you back from getting to know someone and making a deeper connection with them," she explains.But if someone consistently isn't making communication a priority, that's a big warning sign that they aren't interested, Firstein explains.Don't make excuses for your date, like they're busy or may not have seen your messages. Everyone today communicates through messaging, which, Orbuch says, might make it tough to get to know someone.But sometimes, self-deprecation can indicate a deep lack of self-esteem and confidence, which can make people uncomfortable and end up being a big turnoff.” "I don’t think that kissing or hooking up on the first few dates is the only way to know if a person is truly interested you or not," Orbuch says. "But most people these days ARE on online dating apps, and thousands of people meet online every day and eventually get married." But Sussman says it's a mistake to only date online and be closed off to meeting someone elsewhere.
Some people are really into self-deprecating humor (myself included), and that’s totally okay.“It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself,” Orbuch says.“It can show that you’re down-to-earth and comfortable with yourself. Someone’s body language is definitely more indicative of their emotions and feelings." "I hear so many people say 'I want to meet someone organically,' or 'there’s only creeps online, so it’s not going to work out for me,'" Firstein says."Try to go into every date with an open mind, and pay attention to the person's values, like family, religion or spirituality, sense of humor, trustworthiness, etc." "Sometimes when people have a couple of bad dates they’ll make comments like, 'dating in New York City sucks,' or 'dating sucks and I’m never going to meet anyone and be single forever,'" Sussman says."It really blows the bad dates out of proportion and creates a jaded attitude." Of course we all get frustrated when a date (or string of dates), that you took time and effort to coordinate, doesn’t end well — and that’s a totally normal and healthy way to react.
But “too much information” means different things to different people and it’s tough to gauge where people are with sharing.